NO MORE F@#$$%%^&* CORN!!!

No more corn for this guy!

Never has the mall food court looked so good.

We both went with the burrito option, flour tortilla of course. Erin was brave enough to choose corn chips despite the fact they are made of corn! I wolfed my tube of food down too quickly and overwhelmed my shrunken belly. But oh it hurts so good.

My coworkers bought me some day old broken cookies to show me how much they loved and admired me. I could only eat one.

Erin was wiser and did not finish her food.

I am currently collecting my thoughts before posting a introspective, thought provoking epilogue.

Erin's Log Day 7: Freedom, Reflections, and Summation

Hurrah hurrah loyal readers! The Diet of Corn hath ended! Hark! The bells of freedom doth ring from atop the highest mountain. They call out, "Eat corn no more, faithful followers, for your fast of kernels hath ended at noon this day." And so it was. The two who embarked on this stoical fast rejoiced, for they were to eat of the corn no more. Larry could hardly contain his emotion, and danced in the food court for all to see, while Erin giggled disturbingly behind the camera. Let's watch:

After the dancing had ended, the two were speechless. The looked to and fro, and all around them were fanciful treats of which they had not tasted in 7 days. How were the to choose? How were they ever to choose? So accustomed were they to eating identically, they decided to each get a burrito. The Lady of the Line of the Palace of the Burrito appeared to be under the "I-don't-give-a-shit" spell, a spell that is all to common in the Court of Food, cast by the great wizard The Man, so Larry's burrito took much longer to make than Erin's, and Erin waited at the table with her co-workers and greedily eyed her food, restless for his return. When Larry finally returned, unsuccessful at breaking the spell of the Lady of the Line, they awkwardly toasted burritos and ate of the meal so coveted for a week. (Sitting in between our burrito toasters is M-Jo, the originator of the idea)

Diet of Corn Summation:

Pounds lost: 3
Corn eaten: Shit ton
Tired of Corn: Very
Corny poop: Very
Respect gained: Endless

What did happen:

• Corny poop
• Weariness of corn
• Awesome conversation topic for parties gained
  
• Brief, but resolved cornstipation
• Hilarity ensued

What did not happen:

• We did not starve
• We did not develop an allergy to corn (other than wanting to vomit when I think of it)
• We were not terribly malnourished
• We (I) was not unreasonably weak by week's end (Larry looked slightly pale)
• We might have not irreparably damaged our digestive tract
• We (I) was not quite gassy

Thank you for following our humble corn diet. It brought a tear to our eye to know so many were watching and hoping in our ability to abstain from non-corn foods. We hope that we did you proud. I have written a corn song to commemorate our fast-break from corn, so stay tuned.

Until the next corn, I bid you adieu.

Erin's Log Day 5: Cornstipation

Hello, dear readers! The 5th day of the Diet of Corn is rapidly receding and bringing us ever closer to the prized penultimate day of corn-exclusive dieting! I am so excited for this to almost be over! All day tomorrow I can boast that simply a day and a morn separates us from food variety. How awesome!

However, today I feel both a unique feeling and a very familiar feeling, and it is stronger than both anticipation and even temptation, but rhymes equally. It is cornstipation. In the past my intestines have been very sensitive, even say the word "grease" and they would shrivel up like a prune (they don't much like those either). But switching to an all fruit/vegetable/grain/chocolate diet has helped considerably, and I haven't had an episode since. Apparently too much of a good thing is a bad thing (though corn right now IS a bad thing) and my intestines can't make up their mind. All I know is that they will be happy to be off this diet as well, though I am a little bit worried about how they will react to the very sudden diet change. Maybe we should ease into it slowly.

In other news, I hope we go out for Mexican food on Thursday! I can almost taste those greasy chips and guacamole!

Until the morrow, I bid you adieu. Only one and half more days!

Corn on the sob

After Erin's chipper post about her rock-solid resolve, I must come to you with heavy heart.

I have sinned against you and the corn diet.

We went to the movies tonight and I was starving and I ate some movie popcorn (it wasn't buttered). I have no excuse to offer other than my obvious moral weakness. I shall eat my corn unseasoned tomorrow as penance.

Erin's Log Day 4: Corn is so Yum!

We are well into Day 4 of the Diet of Corn, and almost to our goal of Thursday. We have decided to ceremoniously end our Diet of Corn by going out with our co-workers to our weekly Thursday lunch outing and making them pay for our non-corn lunch . It will be an extravaganza of food variety. Though, currently the restaurant on our pre-made list of restaurants (this is due to our inability to all agree where we are going in a timely manner) is a place where the only thing I can eat on their menu, would probably be corn (this is due to my veganism). So, that might need to be amended slightly.

Since we are over half-way through our week of corn, I will share with you some of my thoughts and observations at this point in our journey.

Observation #1: I do not feel any weaker/less lively/lethargic in any way. This could be due to the fact that I have been drinking plenty of juice and water and making sure to eat corn whenever I am hungry.

Observation #2: Right now the only corn products I can bring myself to eat are frozen corn with spices, and popcorn. That's it. Canned corn, that freeze dried stuff, and corn on the cob make me want to vomit even thinking about them. For realz. It's strange. So I've been alternating between frozen corn and popcorn to much success.

Observation #3: A tip to benefit those who desire to follow in our footsteps: only eat when you are really hungry. For me this has helped corn not get really tiring. I wait until corn actually sounds really appetizing, and then I eat.

Thought #1: I can't wait until Thursday!! I am going to make myself a huge batch of cookies, eat some guacamole, and some uber delicious movie theater popcorn (which surprisingly and disturbingly is vegan) at the midnight showing of the new Batman movie, which will taste so good compared to cardboard popcorn. This, honestly, is what is keeping me going: knowing HOW AWESOME food will taste on Thursday.

Thought #2: It is sooooooo surreal/gross/just plain weird to have your co-workers comment on your poop. Just so you know.

Observation #4: My real success in this endeavor has been my corn brother Larry. He has been strong when I have been tempted to be weak. I only continued on with the struggle by thinking of him saying, "Nay" to homemade guacamole and gingerbread at his barbecue and his meager lunch of corn on the cob for successive work days. I could not bear to let that all be in vain. I will not let you down, Brother! *sniffle*

That's all I have for right now. I have to run to the store today to grab some more frozen corn, as the two honkin' bags I got that were buy-one-get-one-free have been rapidly consumed. Who knew that you go through corn so fast when that's all you eat?!?!1?! It comforts me ever still to know that when I'm pouring the last of my bag of frozen corn into a bowl at breakfast, lunch, 2pm, 4pm, dinner, and 10pm, that more corn is only a 5 minute drive away.

Sweet corn dreams.

Days 1 and 2 have "passed"...

Here by popular demand, corn poop pictures. Warning! Only look at them if you are really sure you want to see nasty corn poop! I leave the decision up to you. My recommendation? Don't.

http://dietofcornpooplog.blogspot.com/

Enjoy...?

Erin's Log Day 3: Everyone Has Fun With Corn!

Day 3 is off to a good start. Things are getting easier. I am now thinking about how lovely eating will be on Friday, and I know the taste of food will get better and better, so that is my new motivation.

In other news, everyone has fun with the Diet of Corn! I was taking a corn-induced nap and I wake up and start walking towards the bathroom, and my big brother says excitedly, "Are you going poop?" To this I replied, "No! I'm peeing! Settle down!" In addition to it being the current favorite topic of discussion for others everywhere I go, every time I'm cooking something my dad goes, "What are you making?" or "What are you having for breakfast/lunch/dinner?" and I always reply as if he actually didn't know already, as if it were an actual mystery: "Oh, I'm just heating myself up some corn." or "I'm kind of in the mood for corn!" or "I think I'm gonna eat some corn!" Also, every time there is discussion of food around me and what should be had for a meal, I always generously pitch in that I have a bit of extra corn back at the house, if they are interested, or that corn really goes well with fajitas/burritos/chicken/cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise.

Corn on!

funny story

I was in the kitchen at work and Jill was drying sweet potatoes for possum and woodchuck treats. I reflexively grabbed a couple and popped them in my mouth. As the delicious non-corn flavor poured over me I realized I had broken my vow. I quickly spit them in trash and said 12 "hail marys" and 2 "our fathers". Hopefully, I'm back on the track of rightousness.



In corn we trust,



LB



PS I'm definitely feeling light-headed this afternoon. I need to up my calorie intake to stave off Tom Hanks like delirium...

Day 2 thoughts

This morning I had my niblets with cumin and cayenne and cooked them a bit longer. This was a big improvement over yesterday's plain niblets.

I was not enthusiastic about today's lunch of two ears of corn and some popcorn. Adding Texas Pete to the corn was a big improvement. I also bought some superfine popcorn salt that is pretty good. I was going to get the flavored stuff but most of it had a lot of sugar.

So far the corn diet has not had an effect on my digestive tract. I do feel my breath is a little strange but that may be the beginning of ketosis or something else related to my restricted calorie intake. I do feel a bit lightheaded today but they may be from working in the farmyard all morning.

I think I'm going to try some polenta with a lot of garlic tonight.

I also think I'm going to buy some corn holders...

great cookout, hope you enjoyed your non-corn food

Just returned from a cookout function with Sandy's lab. There was grilled zucchini and burgers. Homemade guacamole with chips were served along with pickled artichokes. I had corn on the cob which wasn't bad but felt inadequate given the surroundings. As everyone had homemade gingerbread with whipped cream and apple cobbler with ice cream I had some more corn.

I went grits shopping on the way home and discovered all the grocery store stuff was instant grits which are hominy which has been processed excessively. Sandy will go to Whole Foods tomorrow and look for the good stuff.

Nothing to add to the corndietpoop blog yet.

Corn for lunch!

I had two ears of corn for lunch. I was still a bit hungry so I popped some corn in a paper bag in the radar range. I added some salt and red pepper flakes to make it taste like salty, hot cardboard.

To torture me, Jill ate some Orville Redenbacher microwave popcorn with delicious palm oil.

What's for breakfast?

Well I'm back from corn shopping. The good news is that corn on the cob was on special at the Kroger so I got 18 ears for 6 dollars. I also got a bag of frozen corn on sale. The weird looks I got were free. I couldn't find any plain pop corn. Some zit-faced clerk told me he didn't think they "made" it anymore. I decided to save my energy and not argue with him SINCE I'M EATING NOTHING BUT CORN FOR THE NEXT WEEK!!!!!!

A serving of corn is 2/3 of a cup according to my package (why not a full cup?). This golden helping contains 100 calories of cob-picking energy. Not surprisingly, corn has very little fat, only one gram. It has 21 grams of carbs that could be converted into ethanol and sold as wildly overrated biofuel. That serving has one gram of fiber which I suspect is contained in the husk and gives corn poop that distinctive look. Three grams of protein are modestly contributed by the maize portion. Corn has no Vitamin A so we risk rickets with this experiment. It also lacks Calcium and Iron. Therefore, I will likely be anemic and osteoporific by week's end. Corn does have Vitamin C so scurvy should be avoidable.

My last non-corn food for a while was a large bowl of awesome. Also known as, Breyer's peach ice cream.

The poop on corn

The genesis of the corn diet was a conversation that occurred in the murky past regarding the nature of poop. Namely, what would your poop look like if you ate only corn.

This person has an erudite discussion of poop so I won't write anymore here.

If you do a Google(TM) image search for "corn poop" you get stuff like this guy on the right. He is from this awesome website. You also get a lot more graphic stuff but I'm not going to appeal to the lowest common denominator in society.

I'll leave that to Erin.

I'm going corn shopping soon. I'll let you know how that goes.

Amazingly, Kristen at work just put out a container asking for people to save their corn husks from home. Maybe she is making Hopi corn dolls or the like. Needless to say, her corn crib will be overflowing by week's end.